5 Lessons for Parents to Help Reduce Unnecessary Stress
Personal note from Polly:
In the “Ideas” category, we will explore interesting materials we have come across from sources we believe have the experience and practical knowledge to share ideas (usually certified consultants or medical professionals). However, since they are not official medical organizations issuing formal recommendations, we named the category “Ideas.”
I came across a video by Emma Hubbard. She is a pediatric occupational therapist with over 12 years of experience and a mother of three. She has a well-developed YouTube channel where she talks about various topics related to child development. In her video, “5 Parenting Lessons to Reduce Unnecessary Stress,” she shares ideas that can help ease and reduce parental stress, and it really stood out to me as a great first article for this “Ideas” category.
We extracted a transcript of the video and shortened it slightly to make it more accessible, but please keep in mind that the translation and transcript may contain some differences from the original text. When in doubt, always refer to the original source of information and, of course, consult your doctors.
Here is what Emma Hubbard shares in the video (you can find the video at the bottom of the article):
As a parent of a newborn, there are so many little things that come up, and they can often make you feel a bit stressed or worried, wondering whether something is normal or not. Even something as simple as a small sneeze can lead to thoughts like: “Are they cold?”, “Do they have a cold?”, “Do they have allergies?”, “Oh my goodness, should they be sneezing this much?” It can feel like they are sneezing all the time. While this is normal for new parents, in many cases there is actually nothing to worry about.
You and I both know that as new parents, there are already enough things going on. The last thing you need is to stress about things you do not need to worry about.
I hope I can reassure you a little by introducing five things that often cause a lot of stress for new parents but actually should not.
1. Sneezing is normal
Let’s start with the sneezing example. The first thing worth mentioning here is that sneezing is a healthy and normal reflex for newborns. Just like in adults, sneezing in infants happens when their nasal passages become irritated. This irritation can be caused by various factors such as dust, strong smells, or even tiny particles in the air. Sneezing helps clear away the things irritating their nasal passages. In addition, if their nose gets squished or one nostril becomes blocked — which can happen while feeding — sneezing can help open their airways.
Essentially, sneezing is your newborn’s natural way of getting rid of dirt and other irritants and keeping their nasal passages clear and open, which is very important because babies mainly breathe through their noses. So don’t worry if you hear them sneeze a few times from time to time.
With that said, sneezing can also happen when a baby is sick or has allergies. And as you know, with a newborn it is always important to pay attention to these things early on when they appear. So if you are worried about how often your little one is sneezing, or if the sneezing is accompanied by other symptoms such as fever, coughing, a runny nose, or tiredness, it is always a good idea to contact your pediatrician or doctor for advice.
2. Short breastfeeding sessions are okay
If your baby only nurses for 5 to 10 minutes, you might worry that they are not getting enough food. But here is the important thing — the amount of time a baby spends at the breast is not a good indicator of how much milk they are getting. How long they need to nurse depends on many factors, such as: whether your milk has come in, how quickly your let-down reflex happens, whether your milk flow is slow or fast, whether your baby has a good latch, and whether they are focused and actively feeding or distracted/sleepy while eating.
It is also important to note that feeding frequency and duration can vary depending on the time of day. Some feedings may last between 20 and 40 minutes, while others may be as short as 5 to 10 minutes. And that is completely normal.
Babies usually take what they need during each feeding and stop when they are full or fall asleep. As a general rule: if your baby is gaining weight, has multiple wet diapers during the day, and their poop does not look like hard pellets, you should not worry about how long they are feeding.
3. Holding (cuddling) your baby does not spoil them
Another concern you may have is that holding your newborn too much will spoil them and create a child who constantly needs attention in the future. That is definitely not the case.
Responding to their needs by picking them up and comforting them does not spoil them at all. What you are actually doing is supporting their development in a very important way. When you hold and comfort your baby, you help them feel secure, which is crucial for their emotional and psychological development.
This kind of care also strengthens your bond with your baby, creating a secure attachment. Babies who feel secure and attached tend to become more independent as they grow older. They know they have a safe place to return to — and that safe place is you.
This sense of security encourages them to take risks, try new things, and learn about the world around them. They feel confident exploring their environment because they know you will always be there when they need you. Over time, this helps them become more independent because they feel more confident and capable of handling new situations on their own.
So do not hesitate to hold your little one as much as they need, because by doing so you are not spoiling them; you are helping them develop the tools they need to become a confident, independent child.
At the same time, do not feel pressured to hold your baby all the time. If you want — or simply need — a little time with free hands, it is completely normal to place them on the floor for independent play when they are happy and content. In fact, allowing them to play independently is also wonderful for their development. When your baby has floor time, they can freely move their arms and legs and practice new movements, which helps develop both gross and fine motor skills. These foundational skills are essential for holding and playing with toys, rolling over, sitting, crawling, and eventually walking. In addition, giving your baby opportunities to explore and play independently allows them to discover their surroundings and interact with different textures and objects. These activities are important for their cognitive and sensory development. So while it is wonderful to hold and comfort your baby when they need it, do not feel guilty about taking a little time for yourself, because all of this is part of helping your baby grow and develop.
4. Noisy sleep is completely normal
Another thing that is really important for your little one’s development is sleep. One thing you may be wondering is whether it is normal for your newborn to make so much noise and move around a lot while sleeping.
Unfortunately, the answer is “yes” – it is completely normal. Newborns go through two different stages of sleep: quiet sleep and active sleep, spending about half of their sleep time in each stage. Active sleep is similar to REM sleep in adults, but there is one major difference. As adults, during REM sleep we experience sleep paralysis, which prevents us from moving while we dream. Newborns, however, do not yet experience this, which means they move around a lot and make various sounds such as grunting, crying, or whimpering. They may even smile, frown, or open their eyes while still asleep. All of these movements and noises are a normal part of active sleep. It does not mean that something is wrong or that your baby is necessarily awake and needs your attention.
In fact, when you hear your newborn stirring during a nap or at night, it is helpful to pause and observe. This gives you the chance to watch your baby’s movements and listen to their sounds to determine whether they are actually awake or simply in active sleep.
If your baby’s movements increase and their sounds become more constant and louder, they are probably awake and need you. However, if their sounds stay the same or gradually fade away, they are most likely in active sleep and should be left to continue sleeping.
5. Developmental milestones vary
Another thing that can cause a lot of stress is developmental milestones, especially when your little one is not doing the same things as their little friends. Here is the important thing: every baby is unique and learns at their own pace.
Some babies master new skills quickly, while others may take a little more time. Because of this variation, every developmental milestone actually has an age range rather than one exact age by which babies are expected to achieve it.
And that range is often wider than most parents think.
Take rolling over, for example – it is often considered a 4-month milestone, but we do not expect babies to start rolling over the moment they turn four months old. In fact, it is completely normal for babies to learn to roll over anywhere between 4 and 7 months of age. So, considering that every milestone has an age range, it really is not helpful to compare your baby’s progress to their peers.
Instead of stressing over comparisons, focus on your baby as an individual and celebrate their progress. As long as they are reaching milestones within those expected age ranges, they are doing great.
It is also really important to note that there are certain milestones we expect children to reach by 3, 6, 9, and 12 months of age. If they are not reaching them within those expected timeframes, it raises what we clinically call a “developmental red flag.” A developmental red flag suggests that your child may not be progressing at a pace consistent with their peers, which could indicate a possible developmental delay or a more serious issue. Early identification of potential developmental concerns allows for early intervention, improving your child’s chances of catching up to their peers and reducing the impact of any developmental delays on their overall development. So as a parent, it is really important to know what the red flags are and how to recognize them.
Listen to the full video:
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* Most of these materials are sourced from original English-language sources. The translations were created with the help of Google Translate and ChatGPT. For the most complete and accurate information, please always refer to and verify the original source first. For the most complete and accurate information, please always refer to and verify the original source of the information.
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